Today the topic I witness was about feeling empty.
For starters I ran a group in which a few patients talked about having a void, an emptiness and a sense of an unfulfilled and incomplete life. I also noticed this is a theme amongst many people today, not just my patients. I think the reason many folks are feeling empty is simply because they have allowed themselves to believe that happiness comes in a package you can obtain through status or through the large accumulation of money.
Its seems that the emptiness many folks are experiencing is due to the lack of stable permanent work, no real sense of security coupled the high cost of living. Many folks simply don't know how to be balanced without material securities. People are attached to things, labels and status. People have been raised and influenced to believe that without a certain amount of possessions or material goods, fulfillment would be impossible.
I remember years ago, when I was facing the decision of leaving my second husband. I found myself scared to move. I was afraid I won’t be able to survive since I came to depend on the lifestyle we had created as a couple. I honestly believed I couldn’t live well without him, until one day I woke up and reconnected to the reality that I used to survive nicely before he came into the picture and I would continue to do so, after he's out of my life. Finally after many years of doubting my survival skills, I once again realized I never lost the ability to work or pay my bills.
The fear of being unable to survive was based on the fact that I had allowed myself to buy into the social beliefs that survival is only possible with large amounts of cash and this could only be possible by having a husband who provided me with financial security. Ironically financial security bought me emotional insecurity since I stopped believing in myself and in my skills. The sad reality is that I wanted out of the relationship for at least 2 years before I had the nerve to move, but because I was so afraid of being on my own I didn't know how to leave.
I wasn’t alone in my fear. Many folks remain in situations far longer then they need to just out of fear. Many of us gain a sense of security from artificial sources outside of ourselves. We depend on jobs we dislike, unhealthy money sources or others to make us feel secure. And because we depend so much on outside sources, we often lose sight of the fact, that security begins within ourselves. The outside sources become a trap that gives us a false sense of security making us believe that without it we will completely fall apart
Our beliefs is what gives us the illusion of stability. The key is learning to distinguish between real security and perceived security.
Aside from security, we also rely on other things to make us feel complete. We think again that the right job, right girl or perfect situation will fulfill us.
So then what happens when we lose our jobs? partner or money source? Are we empty? If those things were the only source of a fulfilling life...then I say we were always empty.
One thing to remember, if you lose everything today...you always have you. Your memories, your thoughts, your skills and abilities are what makes your life fulfilling. And is the source of great potential. You are the source that can create and reinvent your life to become anything you design it to be.
Regardless what you might lose, or have lost, you have you. The source that can create new beginnings and improve whatever road you walk on.