My Blog

Pre-wedding concerns...

05/11/2013 12:04:00

Preparing for a wedding is not an easy task as many imagine. Sure the idea of marriage is blissful and exciting, but the journey to the altar can be paved with doubts, fears and confusion, as well as excitement.

For starters excitement can take on the many faces of anxiety, nervousness and fear that can drive many couples running in opposite directions. However, keep in mind its normal to have a number of thoughts jumping back and forth before the big day. Regardless of your traditional or non-traditional views all couples will experience some form of doubt or concern while getting ready for the wedding day.

Different things will trigger an avalanche of emotional feeling that will leave even the most solid couples second guessing their reasons for getting married. Again, this is perfectly normal and you will overcome it. Having a flood of emotions does not indicate that the marriage is doom for failure nor does it mean that you are making a mistake in getting married. Keep in mind that the process of preparing for the big day is stressful not because of the status of the couple, but because the preparation can have tons of unexpected and unpleasant twist that can upset even the most pleasant individuals.

For starters, the monetary aspect of a wedding can take its toll on the budget of many couples. Especially when prices start to creep up above the safe border of what is affordable. Things like vendors not always being clear about the actual cost of things, or additional supplies being added that were not included in the original budget, will change the mood of anyone getting married on a budget.

Also, aside from the budget becoming a nightmare; you are faced with invitations that somehow seem to grow from small and imitate to a flock of strangers from both sides of the couple. Of course, as the invitations change so does the budget, this can also create uneasiness. Naturally, as things change, the couple is faced with enormous decisions that can appear as if the wedding is turning more into a circus of chaos than a ritual of love.

Money, venue, invitations...etc are elements that contribute to the emotional roller coaster faced prior to the wedding day, as well as natural self-doubts can leave a couple unsure.

My advice to any couple getting married is to keep things simple. The main part of a wedding is the commitment ritual, the vows and the idea of creating a union. The cake, the flowers, outfits etc are often part of the "show" and not the reason for the marriage.

When you find yourselves feeling stressed and doubtful, remember why you decided to get marry. Remember why you are uniting as a couple, and focus on the vows. Also, keep your expectation realistic, simply because rain happens, traffic happens, clothes get dirty. Etc. The one thing that typically does not get ruined by a budget, weather or other people is what is in your hearts for each other. So when you are standing facing each other at the altar, regardless how of what

may have gone wrong with the budget, decorations etc, look at each other and know this is your partner and you'll get through it together.

The logic behind some of my posts...

04/07/2013 12:02:00

I recently wrote a blog on addiction, which I know might make a few wonder why I would include should a topic in this site. For starters let me state I work with addicts and have done so for over 30 years. In my experience addiction contributes to the dynamics of both family and couples on many levels.

To provide understanding of a problem that impacts many, does not mean I expect my readers to endure the pain that accompanies being involved with an addict, nor does it mean I encourage people to remain if they wish to leave. I simply wrote the blog to provide "information". With infomation individuals can be better equipped to handle situations in their lives. How individuals decide to take action will be a personal issue that concerns that individual.

I will include a number of topics that impact couples and families, as well as the individual.

Feel free to write me directly if you have questions on any of the topics I address or suggestions for topics or basically want guidance...

Always

Rev Ro

Views on Addiction

04/02/2013 21:19:00

By the time a person is aware or able to admit they are an addict, it’s usually the result of numerous hardships they’ve come to face, sucht he loss of income, employment, significant relationships, etc. The trouble with addiction is that many have a stereotypical idea of what an addict is,which means they might not always recognize addiction as an issue until it’s too late. People often look for losses or certain appearances to help them determine if they truly have an addiction problem or not. For example, folk shave become aware of the crack addict or needle using heroin addict as an example of an addict or the vicious drunk who insults everyone and wakes up to a bottle daily. Society tends to place losses and appearances as an indicator for an addiction problem. Many view addiction as a social class issue or weakness that only certain groups of people face. In general many people ave stereotypes of what they assume addiction is about, which often is one of the reasons when individuals are facing addiction they don’t recognize the problem.

The sad fact is not all losses are concrete or so obvious to the general public. It’s easy to recognize the dirty unkempt street addict or alcoholic who begs for money. However most folks do not recognize the College kid who is using and still manages great grades or the banker who works long hours and pays bills on time or the mom who attends every school meeting, cleans and cooks regularly; those type of addicts often go unnoticed until one day someone comes home early and finds the tiny glycine baggie with white residue, the broken pen container with smoke or the needle with blood on the bed or a breathless corpse holding a homemade pipe.

According to an article written on addiction in BioSocieties, addiction scientists view addiction as a brain disease. Even though many believe addiction is physical and even compelling material presented by National Institute for Drug Abuse (NIDA) demonstrates addiction has a high percentage of physical components, people struggle, and the struggle is often created by the cultural aspects that influence addiction.

In order to understand why it’s challenging to accept the definitions of addiction, one need to recognize the impact cultural, and social values play in the definition of addictions. According to an article in National Library of Medicine (Coyne, et. al 2006) there are significant cultural attributes that influence all types of communities. In a study conducted in the Appalachia,researchers explored how culture influences basic concepts pertaining to health. This study like many, have revealed that culturally people develop values and beliefs that affect how well they take care of themselves, as well as how they adhere to global social norms and practices.

Addiction is often viewed differently from culture to culture, and the type of drug consumed also plays a huge role in what individuals expect addiction to consist of. People have cultural biases and beliefs that accompany their views on addiction, which in turn affects whether or not a person is capable of facing their own addiction or even getting the support from friends and family. The denial an addict often has is not only based on the refusal to change a habit,but their own cultural understanding of what is or is not an addict. For many individuals, if a person works and pays bills, usage is not considered a severe problem.

Also the type of drug used also holds social stigma or acceptance. One example of constantly abused and often overlooked drugs is prescription drugs and alcohol. Many individuals are under the impression if it’s legal it’s not a problem. If the doctor prescribed it is OK to use. And of course alcohol has become such a vital component of many events and activities that many could not imagine how drinking can possibly be an issue. For the most part, folks will admit addiction to heroin or crack, but not prescribed painkillers or mood controlling drugs like benzodiazepine (valiums, klonopin) xanax, ativan, etc.. The denial comes from lack of insight into addiction as well as lack of honest recognition of a problem. In other words good old fashion denial combined with cultural and social beliefs affect an addict’s ability to accept or even recognize addiction.

For folks lost in their attempts to understand addiction, it may help to seek expert advice that may be more objective than friends or family who might typically share the same view on addiction. There are several diagnostic tools available and DSM-IV criteria that help individuals recognize addiction objectively. The National Criteria for Alcohol abuse and alcoholism, or the Office of Alcohol and Substance Abuse services can help with information on referrals and resources to help a person come to grips with addiction.

Resources:

http://www.palgrave-journals.com/biosoc/journal/v5/n1/full/biosoc20096a.html

Coyne,. C. Popescu, C., & Friend, D. (2006). Social and Cultural Factors Influencing health in Southern West Virginia: A Qualitative Study. US National Library of Medicine National institute of Health. file:///C:/Users/phoenixro/Desktop/Graduate%20school/touro%20school%20information/Spring%202012/substance%20assessment/writing%20resources/addiction_what_is.html

Gisev, N., Hartikainen, S., Chen. T., Korhonen, M., & Bell, J. (2011). Mortality associated with benzodiazepines and benzodiazepine-related drug samong community – dwelling older people in Finland: a population-based retrospective cohort study. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry. 56 (6). 377-380

file:///C:/Users/phoenixro/Desktop/Graduate%20school/touro%20school%20information/Spring%202012/online%20resources/Screening%20and%20Assessing%20Adolescents%20for%20Substance%20Use%20Disorders%20-%20SAMHSA_CSAT%20Treatment%20Improvement%20Protocols%20-%20NCBI%20Bookshelf.htm

New Cycle of material

04/02/2013 21:10:00

Its been a season or two since my last entry. I have been focusing on a new chapter which included enhancing my professional skills and techniques. I am excited to say that I am planning on offering a variety of classes that are tailored both for the individual and the professionals seeking classes for self-development as well as professional development.

For both the professional and the eternally curious I am offering classes for personal healing and intuitive explorations. For the professional, I am offering classes designed to incorporate intuitive techniques with professional therapeutic modalities.

All classes will be hands on and provide some well known techniques and some of my own style of intuitive development.

The schedule will be slowly developed since many classes are currently being designed. Look for classes to start after May this year.

The Cost of Wedding Ceremonies

08/30/2011 20:46:00

When it comes to a wedding, couples are often worried about budgeting for food and decorations, etc, often missing the main point of the whole event. “The wedding ceremony” The whole idea of getting married is not about how nice things look, or how expensive the dinner napkins are. Its about the exchanging of vows and creating a foundation for years to come based on those vows.

There are many details involved in planning a wedding. However, the ceremony is truly one of the most significant pieces of the wedding and the one that require serious thoughts and preparation. In order to secure a ceremony that reflects the energy of the union, it is best to plan in advance. However, many times couples gloss over the importance and often want to get the ceremony part done as quickly and as economically as possible. A wedding ceremony should not take the entire budget, but some serious thoughts should be put into this important piece of the event.

Before assuming a wedding ceremony is insignificant, consider what the whole event means. The ceremony itself is more then just exchanging vows. It is the celebration of a union, of two hearts joining and establishing a life long foundation. Think about the meaning behind your reasons for getting married and decide how much its worth to you and your spouse. If you are going to spend money on anything, make it something meaningful to the heart.

Keep in mind not all wedding officiants or ministers charge the same. Some are able to charge less due to the location and availability. Fees will vary depending on state and the details involved in creating a special ceremony. Granted some ceremonies are generic, meaning they are not personalized or designed with any specific elements that reflect the couple. Therefore the more detailed and personalized the ceremony, the more money it will cost.

Below is a sample of the fees for wedding ceremonies:

Flat Fee for basic Wedding Ceremony $300-$400 (5-10 minutes)

Standard service: $450- $550 - (10-20 minutes)

Full Service : $750-$850 (20-45 minutes)

Theme Weddings: $750- $1000

Additional fee

Fee Wedding Rehearsal $100 (included in full services)

Fee Wedding Ceremony with Same Day Rehearsal $245

Fee Locations outside the 5 borough’s of NYC, but within Tri-state area $50

Extra fee for translations, special poems etc $20-50

Extra fee for delays $20-$50 for every 15 minutes over the agreed time-frame

Basic Service ($300-$400): This ceremony takes about 5- 10 minutes and is perfect for those on a tight budget. The basic ceremony provides a short ceremony which allows the couple to exchange wedding vows and rings. It is true that a couple can have a County Clerk ceremony for less then $50, and even though it’s economical, its really impersonal, usually last less then 5 minutes in duration and only performed during the office hours at the County Clerk. Also a couple can only have a limited amount of guest in the County Clerk’s office during the service.The bottom-line a County Clerk marriage is a rush job which will tend to make a couple feel unconnected.

A basic service will give the couple the option to have the ceremony anywhere and any time they desire. The location can be at their home, favorite park, boat, restaurant etc, and even at where they had their first date. The basic does not include any appointments, lengthy discussions since the ceremony is template design. There is also no rehearsals involved or appointments to attend. Basically, what you will get is a brief review of basic goals of the ceremony over the telephone, and a generic outline via email. And finally you will only meet, the officiant on the day of the wedding, however a deposit is required to book the appointment as soon as possible.

A word of advice, if you have a ceremony that involves a larger group of attendees, a ceremony with just vows will be inappropriate and appear ill prepared to your guest, giving the impression you are not taking your vows seriously. Remember vows are more then just words. At which point you do need to have a better ceremony planned, that includes a little more then your basic vows and ring exchange.

Standard Service. ($450- $550) The ceremony is ranges from 10 to 20 minutes, but it is enough time to create a wonderful experience for both the marrying couple and the friends and family attending. This particular ceremony is a good option for those who have a need for a more personal ceremony and want to have some say on how the vows are written. The fee includes one to two telephone interviews to review spiritual and ceremony requirements, prior to designing the ceremony. Upon completion of the ceremony, the couple will be emailed with an outline for approval. With this fee, the couple will get a personalized ceremony that is tailored to their spiritual and personal taste. This ceremony fee does not include rehearsal time and is designed for the busy couple on a budget who want a bit more then just generic vows. All ceremonies are sent via email for final approval prior to the wedding date. Fees can be adjust should the couple decide to lengthen the ceremony, include a rehearsal or any additional service. In the event a couple wants to do a last minute same day rehearsal, there is also an additional fee adjustment.

Full Service. ($750-$850) The ceremony can last anyway from 20 to 45 minutes. This option is designed for the couple who wants to truly have a ceremony that is memorable and completely reflects their lifestyles together. The ceremonies include a few scheduled appointments to discuss details and allow the officiant time to really understand the couple and their needs. The couple will go over a checklist that covers just about anything you can think of. After an initial meeting, a wedding "script" can be designed for the couple, that will include any favorite poems, prayers or message. At least 1-2 weeks before their wedding contact should be made between the couple and officiant by email with a copy of the script so they can review and make any necessary changes. Also, as part of the full service, the officiant should attend the wedding rehearsal and guide everyone through their specific parts of the ceremony. Though the ceremony itself takes 20 to 45 minutes, the planning, writing and rehearsal does take time, making the price range for full service between $750 to $850.

The main advantage of a full service plan is that it allows a couple to have their “dream” wedding ceremony as they want it. When a couple goes out of their way to ensure the wedding day is special, the ceremony should also reflect all the effort made in planning a special wedding.

Theme wedding: $750- $1000. The theme wedding is special. It’s for the couple that wants to have fun and make an event of out of their wedding day. The fee includes all the same services as the Full Service plan, but it additional fees are adjusted due to whatever special requirements are needed for the theme event. Theme weddings often require special outfits, equipment or activities that are not typical, which is why the fee is different from the full service option.

Keep in mind not all wedding ceremonies are the same, even if a generic ceremony is used. What makes a ceremony special is the couple and the intentions created. Regardless how many weddings you have attended, your wedding will always be special since its designed to reflect your feelings towards your mate and the intentions behind the vows. Don’t hesitate to use this event to sincerely express what is in your heart, for at the end of the day, that is the very reason ceremonies were created. To give couples an opportunity to verbally express out loud their love for each other.

Preparing Your Vows

08/04/2011 14:21:00

Practical Steps

Obtain wedding Officiant

Discuss details of the vows with your partner. Decide whether or not you will write vows together. Decide if you will share the vows prior the wedding or wait until the special day to share them with each other. Decide how long or short your vows will be. Also discuss what would be considered too private to share in a public ceremony.

Discuss whether there will be on any religious references. Decide if you will make it a religious ceremony or not. If there are different faiths involved, decide if the service should be spiritually designed to blend both faiths. If there is a special prayer or spiritual message you wish to share, discuss this idea as well.

Write each other a love letter and exchange love letters with your partner. Use the letters to help you get inspired and connect to the reasons you want to get married to each other.

Reflect back on your relationship. Think about the first time you met, when you first realized you were in love and wanted to spend the rest of your life with your partner. Review old photos and think of the different romantic moments you shared and deeply enjoyed.

Wedding assistance of friends and family. Use references from others who have gotten married. Ask them how they managed to write their vows and what inspired them. Get a few ideas, but remember you don’t want to copy, only get inspired.

Surf the Web. Go online and look at sites for poetry, prayers and love quotations.

Writing

Use positive and personal words. This is a time to focus on the best you both have shared and enjoyed. The vows should reflect the love and joy you share. Keep you quotes simple and make them reflect your personal style. Don’t use fancy quotes or words that do not normally represent your style as a person. The key is to be simple and loving.

Consider using favorite quotes or passages. Feel free to use a passages from your favorite childhood book, poem, or quote.

Get ideas from friends, family and your officiant. If you’re not comfortable writing, get assistance from a friends, family or your wedding officiant.

Simply written. Make your vows simple, since you will need to speak them out loud and the more complicated, the more you have to remember

Preparing for the Ceremony

Practice the vows. In the days leading up to your wedding day, take time to practice. Recite the vows aloud while standing in front of a mirror. Take your time and remember the people you will be sharing these vows are your friends and family who love you deeply.

Write your final version. Print your vows and have your maid of honor or best man hold on to a copy of your vows in case you forget.
Discuss ideas with your wedding officiant prior to getting started on your own vows. (Some houses of worship have different requirements which may include reciting traditional vows.)

Vital TIP: Its your special day…enjoy it and make it work for you and your partner!!

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Witch Wars or Religious Self-righteousness

08/01/2011 01:00:00

I've been thinking a lot about the similarities between the pagan community and the traditional right-wing religions of today. Though both communities like to think they are uniquely different and serve a greater purpose, they are both becoming more similar then different.

As the years have evolved, the pagan community in its attempts to be taken seriously and looked at as a real religion has developed a bit of an ego. And sadly within its own walls members are competing vigorously for the role of Queen Witch or Elder of the Universe, simply because they wish to be respected and taken seriously. This ego-centric tone its very similar to the self-righteous approach fundamentalist use to discredit the belief systems of those who oppose them or think different.

In the pagan community we have our groups who think there are only a few methods for doing "proper" rituals. If you do not belong to the "right" group you are not considered valid as a pagan or a proper witch.

Give "ME A BREAK" Let's be real. Most of our beliefs have been a modern day creation. Let's not forget the fact that even some of the so-called elders made stuff up just to be taken seriously within the craft. Many pagans, including elders have claimed ancestral lineage simple to avoid criticism and rejection from the community at large.

Keep in mind many of us today learned the stuff from folks who learned the stuff from "BOOKS" written less then 45 years ago.

Talking about learning from books. This process reminds me so much of how many of us pagans criticise christains cause they base their beliefs on a book. Yet our roots are also based on written books many of us have read and poorly digested, yet we stick our noses in the air if someone else doesn't follow the same format. What gives?

Let's lighten up. Our tradition is based on nature. She is imperfectly perfect. She does not follow a format on paper. She does not create rules for worship. We do. And since we are the creators of this path its time to stop comparing and start sharing harmoniously, otherwise we too will become pathetic pagan fundamentalist if we do not keep it real with ourselves.

Let's not get our egos twisting our brooms into knots now, otherwise we will be flying in the wrong direction

Getting Legally Married In New York State

08/01/2011 00:23:00

Getting legally married in New York State

There are several steps required before a couple can legally be considered married. The link below provides a couple with the information needed to legally obtain a license to web in New York State.

http://www.cityclerk.nyc.gov./html/marriage/license.shtml

Once the license is obtained it is recognized state wide, so it can be issued from anywhere in New York and the ceremony can take place anywhere within the state of New York. If a couple plans on being married in the State of New

York they must have a New York Marriage License. And if the couple marries outside New York State, they will need to obtain a license from the state they plan on getting married. In other words, If a couple is from out of town, they can not use a license from their home state in New York. Anyone getting married in New York State, requires a New York State license.

To obtain a license a couple will need 2 forms of ID, which can be a birth certificate with a driver’s license or non-driver’s ID or Passport. Review the link for alternative forms of ID.

http://www.cityclerk.nyc.gov./html/about/identification.shtml

If you do not have your birth certificate, you can obtain one on the following site:

http://www.health.state.ny.us/vital_records/birth.htm

If anyone was previously married, proof of divorce or termination of partnership in the case o domestic partnership should be presented.

The license is valid for 60 days, however the couple needs to wait 24 hours in New York State before legally getting married. If the couple is in the military, the license is valid for 120 days.

The wedding officiant/minister has 5 days to return the Marriage License to the clerk's office that issued it.

The clerk’s office will then send the couple a Certificate of Marriage via mail. The time frame for the processing of the certificate varies depending on the office and the time of year, however the couple are legally married from the date and time they took their vows as indicated on the Marriage License.

In City of New York, a couple can fill out the marriage certificate online and then go together within 21 days with their ID to pick up their certificate, which is different than Long Island, which needs to be done in person. Here’s the site for NYC online application:

https://www.nyc.gov/portal/site/cityclerkformsonline

Keep in mind, NYC does not accept CASH, only a $35.00 money order, certified check, or credit card is permitted as payment. However in Long Island, a couple can pay in cash and its $40.

The process for legal marriage is exactly the same for all couples. Here are the facts for same sex:

http://www.cityclerk.nyc.gov./html/marriage/same_sex_couples_faq.shtml

If a couple is not sure where to get a marriage license, just visit the site below:

http://www.cityclerk.nyc.gov./html/about/office.shtml

There are different regulations for each state. If a couple is not sure of the process, it’s wise to review the regulations before embarking on marriage outside their state of residence. If in doubt, a couple can obtain the license within their state of residence and have a civil service ceremony done. And have a minister perform the wedding ceremony performed at the destination site. This will avoid a lot of conflicts in the end.

Here’s the site to review the process for each state marriage license requirements:

http://usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/index.shtml

Anyone can do a ceremony for a couple, but individuals who are recognized within the state as official registered can perform legally recognized marriages.

Here’s a copy of information obtained through the following website:

http://www.usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/new_york/index.shtml

Who can legally perform a marriage ceremony?

To be considered a valid marriage, the marriage ceremony must be performed by any of the individuals listed below as specified in Section 11 of the New York State Domestic Relations Law. The list includes:

the mayor of a city

the former mayor,

the city clerk

the deputy city clerks of a city of more than one million inhabitants;

a marriage officer appointed by the town or village board or the city common council;

a justice or judge of the following courts: the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit, the U.S. District Courts for the Northern, Southern, Eastern or Western Districts of New York, the New York State Court of Appeals, the Appellate Division of the New York State Supreme Court, the New York State Supreme Court, the Court of Claims, the Family Court, a Surrogates Court, the Civil and Criminal Courts of New York City (including Housing judges of the Civil Court) and other courts of record:

a clergy or minister who has been officially ordained and granted authority to perform marriage ceremonies from a governing church

a clergy or minister who is not authorized by a governing church body but who has been chosen by a spiritual group to preside over their spiritual affairs;

Other officiants as specified by Section 11 of the Domestic Relations Law.

The officiant performing the ceremony must be registered with the City of New York in order to perform a ceremony within the New York City limits. The officiant does not have to be a resident of New York State, but must be registered.

Ship captains are not authorized to perform marriage ceremonies in New York State.

If a couple chooses to select an officiant not legally recognized within the state they get married in, the marriage will not be considered legal.

I am registered with the City of New York - Office of the City Clerk #77808. If you have any questions feel free to ask me or contact your local Office of the City Clerk:

http://www.usmarriagelaws.com/ny_new_york/marriage_licenses/index.shtml#cities

Making Demands

07/11/2011 21:15:00

Gods don't give us special treatment because we survive a crisis or had a painful life. Our experiences are our life lessons and not a reason to be treated special or have special privileges granted. Many of us get into self pity mode when things don't work and blame the universe for bad luck. But the fact is stuff happens and luck has little to do with it at times. Sure you might have the type of luck where trains run you over or a flying toilet seat from an airplane hits you on the head. But do you really think the universe has nothing better to do then plot revenge on your narcissistic butt? And if the universe has it in for you. Ask yourself what did YOU do to obtain such wicked karma? Do you act like some entitle brat that thinks the world owes you? Do feel self righteous about your pretend good intentions. And think the world owes you a big thank you? Do you constantly envy the blessings of others and feel it should be you? Cause guess what? The universe does not cater to brats who make demands If you want the universe to listen. Be humble and genuine. The more we demand and plead to the universe based on the believe we "deserve" special treatment the less results we obtain. The key has a lot to do with balance and harmony. When we become demanding we are not operating from a place of balance but rather from a place of desperation. Which often means our ego is directing our efforts and what we demand is often coming from a spoil brat position rather then real deficiency in our life Next time you make demands to the universe and it doesn't happen your way. Ask yourself am I beng a king baby who wants what they want or simply a fragile soul who wants to be rescued from truly bad luck?

Marrying Tips For Same Sex Couples

06/30/2011 01:21:00

Legal Marrying Steps For Same Sex Couples:

The new law has become an enormous blessing for same sex couples. In order to take advantage of the new equality law, couples will need to understand the process of legally filing for legal marital status. There are some basic steps you are legally require to take, regardless of whether or not a you are part of gay or straight partnership.

The key ingredient before you can even get married anywhere, is the marriage “license”

The marriage license is the first thing a couple obtains before anyone can legally marry them. The marriage license, indicates that the couple is free to marry and are not married to anyone else legally. A license does not mean a couple is married, it only means they have the legal permission to get married

Keep in mind every state has their own laws and regulations regarding a marriage license. Unfortunate, the same sex law is only valid in 6 states. Therefore, the license will not be valid or available in other states

Typically the rules and requirements for obtaining a marriage license vary from state to state and from country to country. However, since the same sex law is fairly new, it is best to apply in New York.

Basic things you need to know:

Waiting Period: 24 hours

Documents: You will need proper identification when you apply for a marriage license. New York States require birth certificates, proof of citizenship or passport and a driver's license or non-drivers state ID. If you have ever been married before and are a widow bring a copy of the death certificate or divorced a divorce decree.

Fees: $35 payable in credit card or money order payable to the City Clerk.

Any blood test required? No blood test in New York City

Duration of License: The license is valid for 60 days or 180 for military personnel.

State license: License valid for marriage performance only within the state its been obtained in. New York License is valid only within New York State and can not be used in other states.

Destination Weddings: Prior to planning your wedding aboard or in a different state, you need to do your legal process in New York.

Application Steps:

1. You can submit an application online to the Office of the City Clerk via City Clerk Online.

2. You and your partner must bring the application to the City Clerk’s office in person together

3. Couple must bring proper picture identification and $35 fee

4. Marriage License will be processed while you wait.

5. Couple must wait 24 hours before the marriage ceremony can be performed for legal

6. Marriage is to be preformed by legally registered officiant

7. License is signed by officiant and couple in black ink, while witnessed by 2 others

8. License is returned to officiant with all the proper signatures who files it

9. The copies of license can be purchased a week later from County Clerk’s Office

The process for obtaining a license is fairly simple. Its actually the easiest part of getting married. The process of getting married can vary from couple to couple regardless of sexual orientation.

With same sex the main issue can a matter of finding the right venue or minister to perform the actual wedding itself. There are a number of ministers who can legally perform the wedding and will happily do so at any location you desire, provided you have a legal license. A couple does not need a church or religious organization to perform the wedding ceremony.

My general advice is for a couple to create a plan and work from there in terms of location and general wedding themes. The options are endless and whatever you do, have fun and make it one the best day of your lives together.

For further help go to the online City Clerk site below

http://www.cityclerk.nyc.gov/html/marriage/domestic_partnership_reg.shtml